It can only get better!

So you know what? I ate, I slept (woke up at 3.30 but managed to get back to sleep), felt sorry for myself. And then I made plans with F to have lunch, watched some Craig Ferguson and things are starting to look brighter.

Crappy november. Crappy sleep.

Dream a little dream of me

And so it continues.

I will write about two dreams.

The first one I'm going to write about I had last night. I was getting married. It was an arranged marriage, which was quite logical since I'd been adopted to an indian family (!). The thing was that I didn't want this to happen and we (I'm not sure who "we" were, but still) had made a plan to get me out of it. So, next thing is the ceremony. I'm standing to the left of my husband to be. He was wearing white and we were carrying some strange fruit together. It looked like a weird pear. As I'm standing there I realise that the plan we made wasn't going to work. I look behind me and there are six people standing there three by three facing each other. E was there. Not all of them was supposed to help. Realising that I was getting married after all I hot-wired a car. I guess I ran away succesfully, because the next thing I am in the house where the woman lives who ran away from her wedding (that is me, but still I'm visiting her). I'm standing in her kitchen and I suddenly know that she has a child. This is where I wake up.

The second one I had some weeks back but I keep thinking about it. It's about me being in an asylum. I didn't live there but I had to spend time there. I realise that I didn't know what my supposedly mental illness was and decide to go to the asulym to get my medical record to find out. I'm meeting someone dear to me and he is supposed to hand it to me. At the asylum I have to pass several gates, or rather locked rooms to get to him. I have to stand in one small room, waiting for the door behind me to close and lock before the next door will be open. And as I pass through these rooms I get more and more scared. This is where I wake up.

You had a bad day!

Or rather: I had a crappy day!

I suffer from insomnia from time to time. I wake up really early and just can't go back to sleep. It sucks. This often occurs when I'm under a lot of stress at work, which I used to be some year back. Yet I fail to see that my work situation is that stressful these days. I experience my life to be quite nice at this point. I enjoy my work which challenges me, my colleagues who are nice and fun, my friends, I do fun stuff.

But this past week has been like an emotional roller coaster and it makes me sick. Quite literal. Today I suddenly just lost all energy and almost burst into tears. I just couldn't handle things. I know that this happens when the insomnia goes too far. Nothing else to do but to give in and go home.

I managed to make an appointment to see a doctor on monday about the insomnia since I'm worried that it's something physical that causes it. Anyhow, this can't go on because it's making me nuts.

I was chatting with E earlier and she proved once again to be the best friend one can have! She listened to my worries and my anguish and my rantings. Then she simply said: "Eat, sleep, be nice to yourself because you had a bad day." And maybe it is that simple?

"Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day"

(Daniel Powter)

Quick update!

Right now I'm...

Reading: Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl
Listening to: my Ishuffle with a weird mix of arabic music, Massive Attack, Bridget Jones Soundtrack and some other thingithings.
Watching: Deadwood
Surfin: youtube for anything with Craig Ferguson and the Late Late Show, and of course Facebook
Chatting with: sister dearest, don't really have the energy to talk to a lot of people these days.
Eating: a diet containg mostly bread, which I really don't approve of.
Drinking: not enough water
Travelling with: Skanetrafiken (local trains and busses in my region)
Sleeping: too little, with little kitten beside me

Dream a little dream of me

I'm having the weirdest dreams these days.

It started out a few weeks ago when I dreamt that I was passing by my boss's house and he invited me in. It turned out he lived there with all his family (parents, siblings, nieces and nephews) and he was very enthusiastic about showing me around. I had a friend with me and we were on our way somewhere when mr Boss interfered. We were invited to christmas dinner and pumpkin soup which my friend liked very much. I wanted us to leave, not because it was an uncomfortable situtation as much as I felt that we were being delayed.

Last week I dreamt that I was at a family reunion. My family that is. It was att my (maternal) grandmothers place and I was so happy to see that she'd been renovating. She had converted her two floor house into a one floor house and I thought it was a great idea since she had trouble walking up and down the stairs (which she had in real life as well due to cardiac problems). My sister, who expressed my happiness to, was very indifferent to this. Then I realise that I left my friend (same friend as above, I wonder what it is with him and food?) at the dinner table in the midst of all my relatives and seeing this I leave the house to go outside and there is E sitting at the garage and she is very sleepy so I try to wake her up but she rather go on sleeping. At this point I realise that one of my mother's cousins was inside granny's house with his new family (of which I don't think he has any IRL) and that I haven't talked to them for a long time and not at all during this dinner. I go inside and see that he is feeding a blond baby sitting in a high chair.

Last night I dreamt of a weird date. I think it started out with a midsummer eve's party. It was raining. JK (a former colleague who I lost contact withvbut wouldn't mind meeting again) wispered as he left that he was going to call me. Next scene is the date. It's not with JK but it still is the attended person, in the way it is in dreams were people change appearence for a reason I don't get. We're in this really fancy place and M is dressed in tails (like you are on a regular date) and we're drinking a cup of hot chocolate which turns out to be ridiculously expensive. (I mean, who would pay 20 euros for a cup of hot chocolate no matter how tasty it is?). We pay and leave to go to my place. I realise then that I haven't tidied the place up since I moved there, which I supposedly just did. I explain to M that my parents just moved from their flat to this house and that we haven't got the place in order yet. It turns out that I live in a wooden yellow house on my parents lot. We enter my house and I start to show M around. We then see a large grey hen in one of the rooms and we have to get her out. We succeed in this (Yay!) and the last thing I see before waking up is M standing in his dress suit in the doorway looking out at the large grey hen.

Alright then. I won't go all freudian here, simply because I'm not into freudian interpretations of dreams. But a few reflections I've made. There is an obvious family theme here which I don't really get. Is it about wanting to be part of a family? Or maybe a wish to not be part of a family? The feeling in both dreams was rather about wanting to leave that patricular family situation than to be included and a part of it.

The first one is quite simple. Being interrupted on the way somewhere I rather be, that is rather wanting to hang out alone with my friend than with my boss. Also the feeling of my boss wanting to delay me in this other relationship.

The next one reminds me of a dream I had last summer. It was about my wedding, which apparantly was set in a beatiful place in Italy in the autumn. I really wanted my granny to be there and wanted her to be comfortable, but my mom kept saying that granny should stay outside the place, she couldn't come in. My grandmothers is dead since 10 years back, so of course she can't attend my wedding. I guess I miss her a lot, her house and our family dinners and hope that she is more comfortable wherever she is now than she was in the last years of her life.

The last dream is just plain weird. I wouldn't date M ever because he's 1) married and 2) just a friend. I would say that the dream is just a mix of memories and feelings and hopes and this is not the place for them to be exposed.

Ah, the catharsis of blurring personal stuff out on the net!

Quick update and a treat...

A summer's passed.

I've moved to my flat. Love it. L O V E it! It's not the most amazing place ever, but right now it's my palace. And it's all MINE! Will get new wallpapers AND new floors as well. Neat! Will show pictures of it when it's done.

The summer I would describe as work, work WORK! I've been working more than full time all through july, and now it's slowing down finally.

Quick update
Right now I'm...
Reading: the Truman Capote biography by Gerald Clarke
Listening to: Morrissey, James Morrison and Lionel Richie
Watching: Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Stepford wives (new version), Les Choristes, Batman Begins, Side ways
Surfin: Charlie the Únicorn (sooo bizarre! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus!) and orkut
Chatting with: a woman who is unemployed, a man in love and (of course) sister dearest
Eating: lots and lots of eggs
Drinking: coffee (I just can't get enough) preferably with G at Bönan ("The Bean"), the coffe place with the best view in town
Travelling with: Skanetrafiken (local trains and busses in my region)
Sleeping: too little, with little kitten beside me

Here is a P.S and a treat! I never thought I liked rugby OR France. But, I think I've just changed my mind...

http://perseph2hades.livejournal.com/116088.html

He's home!

Have you ever had this irrational love for someone? I can't describe it in any other way. Real luv! And we're all so very proud of him. He knows what he is doing, he's good looking, he is SO cool, he is HENKE LARSSON!

FINALLY he is back in town! There's been lists signed by supporters to get him back to HIF, the team where he started (in Helsingborg, that's right, the birthtown of both me and Henke).

For those ignorant fools out there, here is a short briefing:

Henrik "Henke" Larsson born in 1971 in Helsingborg, Sweden. Started to play for HIF in 1992, and contributed to it's success in the swedish league (34 goals in 31 games). Moved on to Feyenoord and later Celtic. Larsson scored 242 goals for Celtic, in 315 matches, making him Celtic's third all-time record goal scorer (in all competitions). This is more remarkable in the fact that he missed almost a year having suffered a horrific injury, breaking his leg in two places, whilst playing against Olympique Lyonnais in a UEFA cup match in France. In 2001 he won the Golden Boot an award for being Europe's top goal scorer, with 35 league goals.

In 2004 The Swedish Football Association named him the "greatest Swedish football player of the last 50 years."

Moving on to spanish team Barcelona (which has the "right" team colours red and blue as has HIF:)), he was part in Barcelona winning the UEFA Champions League 2006. The same year Larsson announces his retirement from professional football, and that he will finish his career in his old "home"-team.

In May 2006 he was given the honor of Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE) by the British Consulate in Barcelona, in name of Queen Elizabeth II for his contributions to British football during the years he spent playing at Glasgow. The supporters of Celtic nominated him.

I don't think you realise how much the guy means to Helsingborg. Henke is considered a hero, and rightfully so. He was brought up in a rough neighbourhood, where the kids more often end up in criminal gangs than anywhere else. But with the talent and (and this is essential in his success, according to me) a lot of hard work he finally made his dream come true.

The reason I have such profound respect for the man is that he knows his value but still manages to stay humble. Henke seems to live a quiet life, despite the millions he's making these days. He's married to his teen sweetheart. He's a worker, he's SO cool.

I want to be like Henke Larsson.

Henke, I love you.

Home, sweet home!

Alrighty.

I've been home for well over a month now. I thought (and prepared for) the transit would be more difficult, but has actually been quite easy.

There are two things that really helped with that process:
1) It was the most beautiful spring ever that greeted me! Since it's been a long winter this year, spring had just arrived when I also did, and I really enjoyed the trees blooming (some of them as beautiful as from a fairy tale!), the long evenings, the fresh clean air and the black birds singing so lovely at night as I took my walks.
2) It's been really nice to re-connect with friends and family! I've realised that I'm lucky to have so wonderful, caring and supporting friends. Only a phone-call away.

Having said that, I've survived my first movienights. The first one I slept through (of course!), but I've managed to see some nice movies ("Night watch" and "Saw", see them! See them NOW!). My projects, "Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain" and "Capote", will have to wait though. "Capote" is between cinema and DVD here, and for "Amelie" (or retarded girl as I teasingly like to call her) well, I have an argument with my friend F: I will watch "Amelie" when he's seen "Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind". Need I say the negotiations are stuck at the moment?

I've also "survived" the first nights out without the usual suspects (meaning the Hyd-gang). The first time, it felt a bit strange though (here I COULD say something obscene, but since my irish boys aren't here I won't). We went out for drinks in Malmö (the third largest city in Sweden, 20 minutes from Lund by train, and also Karen's hometown) and then went to a club to do a little bit of shaking that ass. The club turned out to be a hip hop one with age limit 20 years (meaning they're in reality 18). So, it was us and the high school kids.

And oh my god, friends, the FOOD! the WINE! Lovely cheese, proper coffee, wonderful muffins with "exotic" blueberry (as they called them on Barista coffe shop in Hyderabad, not so exotic I would say living in the Blueberry country). To comfort some of you meat-lovers out there: I haven't got sick at all. And I eat a LOT of meat!

Also, it was good coming back realising me and Lund (my home town) got a fresh start. The relationship was, to be honest, getting quite claustrophobic. Lund is a small city and sometimes (often!) I get the feeling that everybody knows everybody and that everyone knows your every move. Me don't like. I enjoy my privacy.

Speaking of privacy, not much of that at the moment. Living with sister dearest and my brother-in-law for another month. Then I FINALLY get my own place again! Finally living with MY stuff and having my sweet cats around me.

I've realised one thing that really scares me. It might sound weird. But as I've been travelling through my region I realise how much "home" it is to me. The landscape is breathtakingly beautiful, and my soul fills with peace while I'm looking at it. So, what's so scary about that, you might ask? Well, what can I say? Like Pinocchio sings "I've got no strings", meaning I don't like the feeling of being tied to one place. Bizarre? Indeed.

So, do I miss beautiful India? In the past few days I've started to miss places. Hampi, and the way to Mango tree restaurant for one. And of course, Palolem beach. But as always, it's mostly the people and what we did together I miss, not the places. I miss serious talks in the dark, movienights, crazy discussions on the balcony, movie making day (my GOD that was a lot of fun), dinner at Sheraton (the bread, Ebba, the bread!!!), dolphin trip in Goa, "watching" the stars at St Patriks day, Freudian discussions, coffes that didn't happen. BUT it's good to know that my beautiful Hyd-gang is only an email or messenger chat away.

Well, that's all for now. Over and out.

On second thought...

Ok, I know that my comment on that has defrosted a bit is weird. I was in an excited mood and shit happens and all that.

And, I just watched Armenias video and it's HIDEOUS! I take back what I said about pretty boy. Unibrow may have worked for Frida Kahlo, it does not work for most of the rest of us. The performance live at the show I liked though. My sister claims that I did because of it's bondage theme. Have no comment on that one.

I forgot to say that Romania had a nice euro-techno song "Tornero",Turkey a funky girl and the song disco-inspired quite alright, Germany a sort of country theme that did not do it for me, the Netherlands (who didn't make it to the final) a weird congo-based song (which I should like, but it just didn't fly this time).

Thank you for listening.

Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) 2006:

As you all know ESC is HUGE in Sweden. We love it, love it, LOVE it! And this year it was amazing.

All bets are off! The laws of nature are not valid anymore! Hell has, if not frozen over, at least defrosted slightly. The unbelieviable winner of Eurovision Song Contest 2006 is.... FINLAND!!! They've entered the contest 40 times and not won once. At best they've been 6th and that was way back in 1973. Often they've been the laughing stock. (Hey! Let's face it, they usually suck...)

Even more bizarre (or perhaps equally bizarre) is that it's a rock song that wins. They were dressed as hard rock monsters, described on eurovisions homepage as:

"It’s the turn of Lordi, the monstrous hard rockers from Finland. The eponymous lead singer Mr. Lordi has miniature skulls on his kneecaps whose eyes light up red, his microphone is attached to the handle of a battleaxe and he has devil horns protruding from his head. It’s not exactly Abba. Despite their frightening appearance, there’s something really likeable about the group and the crowd really warm to them… and are warmed by them! There’s so much fire on stage, the temperature in the arena rises several degrees."

You GO, Finland! :)

Other reflections:
My favourites were (that is, who I voted for and YES I actually pay money to vote): Russia, Dima Bilan with "Never let you go" (ah! pretty pretty boy, and a nice pop song), Lattiva, Cosmos with "I hear your heart" (an accapella group, so I simply HAD to vote on a group that is actually musical, which isn't always the case embarassly enough), Armenia, Andre "Without your love" (nice rythm and another pretty boy, can it get any better?) and of course Finland, Lordi with "Hard Rock Halleluja" (what can I say? We all know his number and it's 666!)

Sweden was represented by Carola, who has entered the contest twice before. 1983 with "Främling" (which means "Stranger"), which was her big break through, and in 1991 with "Fångad av en stormvind" (which sort of means "captured by a storm"). In 1991 she won the whole thing. She is NOT a favourite of mine, she is quite controversial in Sweden. Carola is famous not only for her very strong voice, but also for her deeply (sometimes) fanatic religiousness. She has, for example, said that gays can be cured if we only pray hard enough for them. This she eventually took back, probably since someone wise had pointed out how HUGE ESC is in the gay community.

The hosts were, usual, not so interesting. The female co-host, Maria Menounos, was (I'm sure) a bit tipsy at the end of the show. She acted totally flimsy-wimsy while her male colleague, Sakis Rouvas, sort tried to cover up. A theme amongst the different representatives from the member countries (during the presentation of the voting) was that the color of the female hosts dresses were mostly red or black and that the male ones didn't dress up really. And of course they all complimented Greece on the spectacular show.

The female participants are, as usual, mostly tits and ass while the males are not. C'mon, you could've at least shown us some ass, man!

Some trivia for you ESC-ignorants out there:
The most used words by Eurovision fans in connection with the song contest are “Abba”, “Eurovision”, “Dana” and “Leandros” according to a study by the University of Leiden.

More women than men win the Eurovision Song Contest. On average, for every three or four women who win, only one man has won the contest.

Dialects and imaginary languages have surfaced again and again at Eurovision. In 1989 Switerzerland’s entry was sung in Romansch and Lithuania’s song “Strazdas" was sung in a west-Lithuanian dialect. In 1996 Austria attempted to win over voters with a song in another alpine dialect. France has also attempted to win with songs in Corsican and Breton and in 2003, Belgium came second with a song in an imaginary language.

Until now, the most covered Eurovision hit is “Volare”. Stars like Dean Martin, Al Martino, Marino Marini and David Bowie have all made cover versions of the song.

ESC ROCKS!